Thursday, November 24, 2011

Fuzzy Socks and other Silly things I am Thankful for

I might have a debilitating chronic pain disease that makes it hard to get up each day, but I am thankful that I do not have a terminal illness. I struggle day by day trying to overcome pain and depression. I have learned in the last week what I have to be thankful for. I am trying to take a light side today so...

Of course I am thankful for my family, and all the usual but we never talk about the little things. The pain I have makes me thankful for things I never thought of being thankful for. Here are a few things that to you might just be something that is there. For me...they make it easier....

Silly things I recently have discovered I am thankful for:

  • Bannisters 
  • Jar Openers
  • Slip on Shoes
  • Kids clothes without  buttons
  • Wrist Splints
  • Warm Fuzzy Socks
  • Mittens
  • Heating Pads/Blankets
  • Large button calculators
  • comfortable and tall bed
  • Remotes
  • Blogging
  • hearing my boys laugh

Just a few things today that make my life easier. I enjoy reading and commenting on other RA blogs. It makes me feel good that I can relate with others. I have a ton to be thankful for and hope that you realize too what you have to be thankful for!!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My love/hate relationship with prednisone

Warning: Personal Feelings and Taboo topics discussed!
For those that are reading and unfamiliar with the drug Prednisone is in a class of drugs called corticosteroids. Prednisone prevents the release of substances in the body that cause inflammation. 

Everyone has different side effects from Prednisone but some are widespread. I suffer from weightgain, crabbiness, loss of interest in sex, and depression. I am struggling with the pros and cons of Prednisone. I have been on it for 10 months now. Before taking prednisone I could barely function. Anything I had to do I had to talk myself into doing. I put on a front on how I felt knowing that I had to be there for my family. When I got diagnosed with RA, my rheumy put me on prednisone. I felt relief for the first time in a while for most of the day. It seemed to wear off around 3. So we increased it. At the time, I was excited that I felt the relief. We thought I would be off it by summer. I was not, and am not still. After trying 4 different meds we still struggle to find the one that works for me. Without Prednisone I cannot do much. Even with it I am limited. So...PRO #1 relief. 

They say long-term use of high prednisone doses can lead to symptoms such as thinning skin, easy bruising, changes in the shape or location of body fat (especially in your face, neck, back, and waist), increased acne or facial hair, menstrual problems, impotence, or loss of interest in sex.

MY CON#1 weight gain. As they state "especially in your face, neck, back, and waist" where else??LOL. In the last 10 months I have put on 50 pounds. WAY TOO MUCH. However, as you know, do not have the energy to do much other than work and care for my boys. Also in too much pain to exercise. I look in the mirror and do not recognize myself. I hate that I do not have the strength right now to do anything about it. The "moon face" look has friends, acquaintances, and family looking at me and I am sure whispering behind my back. Other than family and a few close friends I have not told people about my disease. So they all probably are thinking "man is she letting herself go"! I feel myself overeating and man does prednisone make me hungry and thirsty! 

MY CON #2 are things most will not want to hear about so I will just say that yes I had menstrual problems. 

MY CON #3 "loss of interest in sex" this really could be from multiple things so I am not sure I can blame the prednisone solely on this. I am in pain and over exhausted so that too contributes to this. Along with stress, depression and an nonsupporting partner. All wrapped up leads to a big CON as my marriage is failing and this is one reason why. 

MY CON #4 Crabbiness, Bitchiness, Ugliness, however you would like to put it. I am not myself. I am crabby. I am tired. I normally am a pleasant optimistic person to be around but am now the opposite. My husband wonders why I snap at him, my older son who used to think I was the nice parent now snuggles with dad at night so I don't snap at him about holding still, hurting my arms, etc....Feeling ignored and unloved (which I know i am not) I lash out more. I am not this person. I am nice! I promise! I have gotten better at giving myself a time out and calming myself down after 10 months of it but it still flares! wrap it up we have 1 Pro and 4 Cons so far. There are many more and I could go on forever but looking at this list I know my answer. 

The thing is the 1 PRO is relief. I like to feel good. I like to feel like I used to. I like to feel somewhat normal. So if being bitchy and fat is what I have to do to feel good and get through the day then I have to deal with it as I can. 

Bottom works. I hope that I can find another medicine that works as well as it does and can go off but until then, I will try not to be too mean and too fat.