Diagnosis and Emotions

The Diagnosis and Emotions

The Diagnosis...

Approximately one year ago I was noticing pain in my hands, wrist, shoulders, and toes. They kept going numb even when I was doing something. It hurt to hold my baby after 5 minutes, I was extremely tired all the time. But what Mom does not feel tired? I just tried to ignore it.

Eventually the pain got the better of me, it became distracting and my exhaustion was limiting everything I did. I went to the doctor. I explained my symptoms, they ran some tests and a few days later...

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am only 34 years old. I had no idea what RA was, that it could effect all ages. On one side, I was glad I knew what was wrong with me...I spent the last few years in pain and just kept ignoring it. On the other side I was scared, angry, confused and embarrassed.

I keep things to myself. I always have. Most people do not even know I was having pain, exhaustion and that day by day activities were a real struggle for me. I pushed through, I might of mentioned it every now and then but did not want friends or family think I was whining. Even now, I do not know if I will mention this blog. I am hoping it will help my confusion, anger, and give me a place to say it how it is.

My hands have hurt for quite some time. Thinking back I even went to a neurologist to see about nerve damage, I was tested for Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. It has been going on for years only to flare up after birth of my 2nd child. It became unbearable.

My hands and wrists have stabbing pain. It makes them ache all day long. I can no longer hold my son for more than a few minutes without being in pain. It has kept me from doing a lot of things I used to do and a lot of things I want to do.

My shoulder pain comes and goes. If I raise my arm above my head or extend my reach, it pops out of place. That pain is excruciating. Thankfully, it only lasts for a few minutes before it works it way back in and is just a consistent ache. Over the last year I have spent hours in doctors appointments, spent hours researching the disease and have spent hours trying to figure myself out and find the old "me".

I have trouble sleeping. The stress, pain and confusion of RA has led me to utter exhaustion. I have been grouchy, sad, mad, angry, and even depressed. I have tried to maintain a good attitude. I generally have been a happy upbeat person my whole life. It is a struggle. Day by Day is all I can do. I miss being able to crawl around on the floor with my kids, I miss racing them to the park, I miss dancing, twirling, holding hands, holding my kids, going on walks, and I miss me. I hate being this person.


  1. tracy.rose@healthline.comAugust 6, 2012 at 9:21 AM


    Healthline editors recently published the final list of their favorite Rheumatoid Arthritis blogs and your blog made the list. You can find the complete list at: http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-rheumatoid-arthritis-blogs (in no particular order). We encourage you to share your status as one of the best blogs on the web with your friends, family, & followers.

    We also created a set of badges you can easily embed on your site & anywhere else you see fit:


    Please let me know if you have any questions.

    Congrats & continue the great work!

    Warm Regards,

  2. Congratulations on your award, Carla! http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-rheumatoid-arthritis-blogs#8

    Sometimes, it's minute by minute, breath by breath. Speaking of which, one of the things I've noticed when I work with my clients is that they're big chest breathers - stress has re-patterned the way in which they breathe. Spend some time noticing how you breathe. This is a small place to start, with big consequences.

  3. Thank you for all the work that you and your blog do for Rheumatoid patients. I'm a chronically ill epatient working on HealClick, a website matching patients with similar conditions so they can share relevant treatments and experiences. I'd love to talk with you about the possibility of working together. Feel free to email me directly at Rachael@HealClick.com.

  4. Hello,
    I saw your blog and I think your site's great! I'm reaching out so I can send you some free label-label key caps to see if you like them too. My mother has lupus and arthritis in her hands and I put these key caps on her keys and she says that they were a simple help from pain due to their soft grip and material. She is very grateful to have some cushion and support when she opened the door to her home at the end of a long day. There are many additional benefits: they are super convenient and keep you really organized. They are a totally NEW design, super stretchy, fit over most keys and have ID labels on them too. Let us know what you think? Please email me at blog@labellabelkeycaps.com if you would like to discuss further.

    Katya Q