Little Positives

Recently, I have been feeling really down about life. Well not just recently but for the last year. Being in pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week can really put a girl down! I have always been a positive girl and struggle now keeping positive. Recently, another blogger told me she focuses on the positive. Everyone says that. I want my blog to be honest. I want to get out there how I feel and do not feel comfortable talking about it even to loved ones. So I am going to take her advice and mix it with my own. Compromise right?

So...when I write down my feelings, and vent I will include little positives also to make not only me feel better but for you to know that there is still light in me! Happiness comes in small packages throughout the day no matter how I feel.

For my son's 2nd Birthday we went to the zoo. OMG. Not sure it was the smartest idea. However, he had such a great time as did my family and my other son. The looks on their faces, sounds that came out of their mouths when they saw certain animals was adorable. They bring so much happiness into my life and the life of others! I love that I decided no matter how I felt to go and grin and bear it. It was worth it. They are amazing.

Three days later, I am still paying for it. Crap. Monday I was a total pos. Basically my 2 year old climbed all over me all day long as I could not move. The zoo was a ton of walking. I overdid it! Next time I will remember to only see favorites and not the whole dang zoo! It is so frustrating wanting to do so much, wanting to give so much to my boys and family and being unable to do so. I always wondered why people that were depressed struggled with becoming "happy"? Now I know. I have to force myself to use the phone, to go out, to get dressed. I cannot keep a straight head and feel scatter brained! Seems like I am always forgetting to do something. If it were not for my boys I would not get out of bed. Pain makes me sad. It has changed me forever. I am lucky to have such wonderful kids that fill me with love and light. They help me survive this disease. They are my everything.