Saturday, August 18, 2012

Under Attack

These days it seems that not only my immune system is under attack but the rest of my body including my mind. I have struggled with pain management for a long time. As a mom, I cannot be out of it on high doses of pain meds. This makes it hard to stay on top of the pain. Currently, I am on a state health plan which does not cover my rheumatologist. Scares me. I have to find a new one and I hate that. It might be good to get a new pair of eyes and ears on it but Stressful! Just another thing to add onto this poop.

My muscles feel like I run a marathon everyday. I wish that is what I did to be in so much pain! At least then I would be in shape and feeling good! I went swimming today with the kids. By this I mean I got in the pool and stood there holding my 2 year old in the water. We were there for an hour. I feel like crying I hurt so bad. Muscles and joints I did not know I have hurt. They tire after holding anything. Or even typing as I am now is bothering my fingers, wrists, and arms. I feel it pull in my forearm and above my elbow. My dog which is under 20 pound could step on my leg and I cringe. My child can just want held in my arms and I cringe. I am under attack and am losing the battle!!!They have taken the offensive position and are attacking with force.

Of course my joints are involved. They are swollen and have knives going through them. This I know is normal for RA. I just never thought every ounce of my body would feel this way!

My emotions are under attack from all the pain. I am depressed. I get angry easy. I am frustrated. I am fed up with it all. When can I start making progress? When will the attack ease?? UGH. I need to rally. I am going to bed for the day and hope rest brings my body peace and hope I sleep. 

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